"You’re going to discover that conversations are best at 4 am. The heavier the eyelids, the sincerer the words. Those are the talks you’ll remember. It’s ok not to know the answer and silence is not awkward. It’s shared, so share it more often than not."-Jeff Stuckel (via catelora)
"If two people love each other there can be no happy end to it."-Ernest Hemingway (via perfect)
"Vodka tastes better than disappointment, and you look like heartbreak walking away."-Unknown (via herestothebeautifullittlefools)
مآ أجمّل أنْ تصمتْ
فيْ ؤجهْ منْ ينتظرْ منِك الخِصَام
وما أجمل أنْ تضحك
فيْ وجهْ منْ يُنتظرْ منك البكـاءْ
How beautiful is it to stay silent
When someone expects you to be enraged from them.
And how beautiful it is to laugh
When someone thinks you are going to shed tears.
Tonight I think I realized that I’m not going to kill myself. My entire life had been planned around the fact that I would end my life at some point. I wanted control over that one thing and maybe I still will; I really don’t know. Suicide was and I think will always be prevalent in my day to day life. It’s been such a huge part of me knowing that that day would eventually come.
I’m afraid to have realized that I don’t have to kill myself though. It was the plan and I don’t think it has to be anymore. But I don’t know what I want for myself now that I’ve mostly eliminated this option. I haven’t seen myself living and dying like a normal person for such a long time and I can’t even envision myself as a normal person with a job and a family. Maybe it’s just one of those 4 a.m. moods but it feels different this time. It’s absolutely terrifying thinking that I might have to live and die like everyone else.
I have no idea what I want to do. I don’t want to let go of this part of me and that sounds insane, not wanting to let go of the idea of suicide.
Still, I can’t help but feel a little proud. I almost want to tell all of my friends and family that I’m starting to think about this but that’s just not something you do. I wish they knew and I wish I was sure.
I just don’t know.
I need so much reassurance,
and you don’t even know that.
It doesn’t feel very real to me at times, and then it will feel like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.
"I’m like that. Either I forget right away or I never forget."-Samuel Beckett; “Waiting for Godot” (via wanduring)